Hey {{first_name}}
I spent years helping a friend move house.
Every time he needed it. Leaving my wife and kid at home while I carried his boxes, assembled his furniture, drove my car back and forth.
When I moved? He was always busy.
This pattern repeated everywhere. Giving lifts to places instead of being home. Helping someone with their business for free while mine struggled. Always available for everyone except the people who mattered most.
The strangest part: nobody asked me to be this person. I created this exhausting performance all by myself.
"If you're alright son, everyone else will be."
My dad said this throughout my childhood. It took his passing two years ago for the words to finally land.
He meant that you should always make sure your needs are met first so you can be the best version of yourself. Only then can you actually help others - family, friends, community - in the best possible way.
For people-pleasers like I was, this truth hits even harder.
We give everything away thinking it makes us valuable. But when you're depleted, even your help becomes hollow. Your presence becomes an absence. You're everywhere except where you should be.
Now I live by simple math: If it doesn't benefit me as much as it benefits them, I don't do it.
The friend who needed constant moves but was never available for mine? That relationship naturally faded.
The free business help while my own work suffered? I started charging or saying no.
The lifts and favours that took me away from home? I stopped.
My dad understood something I couldn't see while he was alive: being okay yourself isn't preparation for helping others.
It's the foundation that makes real help possible.
When you meet your own needs first, everyone actually does get the best version of you. Not the resentful, depleted shadow who's helping through gritted teeth.
The 50/50 rule isn't about keeping score. It's about sustainability.
Because helping everyone while helping yourself last means nobody gets helped properly at all.
Chat tomorrow,
Jack.
